Riding the wave: Emotional regulation
Riding the wave: Emotional regulation
How are you?
So often when people ask us how we are, we reply with something like ‘fine thanks’, whether we are or not. Or, if we feel like being a bit more honest, our response might be something more along the lines of ‘tired’, ‘stressed’ or ‘exhausted’.
As you go through the ups and downs of life which, quite frankly, sometimes can feel like moving from one problem to the next, it can be so easy to get bogged down by it all. Your emotions can feel like they are all over the place and you have no power or control over them. Plus, when difficult emotions arise, it can also be all too easy to turn to things like food, alcohol, spending or mindless scrolling to help numb the pain that can come with experiencing those emotions.
Emotions are not to be feared though. Even the difficult ones. If you can tune into your emotions and what they are trying to tell you, you can start to manage them and how you respond to them, rather than feel like they are managing you.
What are emotions?
Put simply, emotions are data and all of them are valid. They arise quickly and can occur automatically, without conscious thought. A feeling is often noted to be the physiological sensation you experience when you have an emotion, for example, with fear you may have sweaty palms, increased heart rate, and tension in your jaw.
From an evolutionary perspective, emotions are designed to motivate us to act in different ways – for example, fear can help motivate you to run away, which historically would have been vital if you saw a tiger approaching. Anger can motivate you to attack and defend yourself which, again, historically would have been essential if you were being threatened by an incoming tribe wanting to take your land.
Emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence (EI) is having the ability to recognise, understand and manage your own emotions, and being aware of how your emotions impact your behaviour, as well as how they can have a positive or negative effect on others. Developing your EI is something that you will likely find hugely beneficial in all aspects of your life as it helps you to manage your emotions more effectively.
YOUR CHALLENGE:
Take control of your emotions rather than them controlling you.
This challenge is a small step towards getting in tune with your emotions, by reflecting on your behaviours and actions. This starts the journey towards taking control of your emotions (rather than them controlling you).
1. When difficult situations crop up during your day, or you find yourself making a choice that doesn’t feel good to you, practise stopping and taking a breath to notice what is going on.
Whether you find yourself eating when you’re not hungry, reaching for alcohol to deal with the feeling of overwhelm, or losing your temper over someone taking your parking space, the goal is to try to catch yourself in the moment and ask: ‘What is going on here? What emotions am I feeling?’ Print this PDF out and have it in your diary, on your desk and on your fridge at home as a visual prompt. Or you can use the free MOOD METER APP to track your emotions this month.
2. After accepting that it is okay to feel your emotions, whether positive or negative, look to see if there is something you can do to help get to a calmer place – either at that moment, or the next time you notice those emotions arise. Print this list of ideas to help you out.
Rewiring the brain takes time and practice, so be patient with yourself. This challenge has been designed as a first step to help you gain awareness of your default behaviours and reactions. As you start to become increasingly aware, you start to gain the power to make choices about how you respond to difficult emotions.
Important notes:
While it is very normal to experience a range of emotions daily, things can get out of balance and it may be best to seek professional support to manage your emotions. This includes:
Feeling strong emotions that persist, eg, an ongoing sense of hopelessness.
Feelings that interfere with the ability for you to live your life, for example, feeling so anxious you are almost unable to leave the house.
Feelings that are out of proportion to what most people would feel in that situation, for example, you always feel ‘on guard’.
If you or someone you know is in crisis or needs mental health support, seek personalised help from a qualified health professional.
